Some folks opt to go the “recite after me” route. When my wife and I got married back in 2013, I didn’t know how to write vows, or where to start. Well, now that I know, I want you to know. Because that’s what friends do right. They look out for each other.
Writing your own vows and sharing them with your partner is a chance to show them just how much they mean to you. Your vows are also the perfect moment to share your story. That’s what it’s all about, building on the connections that are already there. If you have guests, it’s a chance to give them a look and feel of how your relationship operates. I’ve heard confessions of love that had everyone misty eyed. I have even heard some that have had everyone cackling (laughing really freaking loud – like mouth wide open laughing).
These are just another special extension of your day.
So, here are some tips before I give you an example to you write your own.
All The Tips, Below:
- Plan ahead: I believe the biggest mistake that you can make here is thinking that you will be able to write it all out and it makes sense the night before. Think of this as a major project and the 2nd draft is due at least two weeks before your wedding. That will give you plenty of time to review and make subtle changes.
- Record yourself talking about how much your significant other means to you. This is kind of like a brain dump. Imagine someone asking you “what does your soon-to-be spouse mean to you”, “When was a time that you were just overwhelmed with love or pride for your soon-to-be spouse”, “What are you most looking forward to as a married couple”. These are just starting questions. Record yourself talking it through and give a real answer, not just, one or two words, but sentences. When you’re talking about them out loud, and you play it back later you will catch all of these things that stand out, even to you, about how much you love and care for them.
- Say I love you. Whew, this is one that I believe should go without saying, but I feel like it happens a lot. People say their vows and believe it is implied that they love their significant other because they are tying their life to them. Say it anyway. It’s not going to hurt for them to hear it again.
- Play your favorite love song while you’re trying to write your vows. Or, better yet. Play your significant other’s favorite love song. Let the lyrics and melody guide your hand.
- Practice your vows like you would practice a speech.
- Write, or print if your handwriting is hideous, your finished vows in a cute little vow book that goes with the vibe of your day.
- Throw a promise in there. One that you actually want to keep 10 years from now.
- Don’t write a book. Think of this as the opening chapter of your book of love. This is how the story gets its start.
Now, you ready for the example? This is just to help you get started. I do believe that to have a day that is full of intention and one hundred percent you this shouldn’t be copied verbatim. Obviously, it wouldn’t work verbatim as these are the vows that I would have given my wife.
Nill. I love you. I have loved you since that New Years’ eve party our senior year of high school when I walked in the room and couldn’t see anyone but you. It was like I was finally seeing you for everything that you are.
Beautiful. Wildly Intelligent and Incredibly Warm and Human. The world didn’t stop, I believe it sped up from excitement because my soul found its other half, and that’s something people are constantly looking for. I found something in high school that people spend their entire life looking for. How incredibly lucky do I have to be? From the moment that we began our friendship, you have pushed me to be one hundred percent me, encouraged me to embrace my unique quirks, and lean into what makes me different.
I promise to do the same for you as long as I live. In addition to that I promise to hold you when things get hard and always be your biggest supporter. To appreciate you as you are, and always try my hardest to hear and understand what you are saying. Which we both know can be a challenge as I am quite stubborn. And I promise to care for your heart in the way that it deserves to be cared for. I love you just doesn’t cut it sometimes, and seeing you here, those words just don’t measure up to what I’m feeling inside. You are my person, and I promise to always be yours.
Did you see how that worked? just speaking from the soul, getting out of your head, and letting the words and feeling of love lead you. That’s how you write the truly heartfelt vows. Now, that we have talked through: Places to have your celebration of love, decor and details, where to find your wedding attire, including your friends and family in your day, and writing your vows.